tomorrow's worries
I'm in a sticky situation about my future. I'm young, so it's fine, but it's a sticky situation regardless.
so, I started school with the goal of getting a job in publishing, I wanted to work in youth literature. before I started, my google searches for "what degree is best for publishing" were all telling me to get a degree in communications, so that's what I did. I chose communications as my major, and I started my current job. the balance of full-time student work and part-time but might-as-well-be-full-time childcare work was killer. I got totally burnt out, just when I was supposed to finish. So I flunked the classes I needed to graduate.
but by then, the kids I work with had wormed their way into my mind and my heart to convince me to switch to teaching. my friend was a teaching major herself, so I was familiar with the workload they had to complete their program and was down to do it. I didn't want to transfer to uni until I turned 24 anyway, I don't get any financial aid.
but now I'm in it. I just got over being sick yet again by the same culprits as always, my snot-nosed kids. and my mom's repeated words that "[I] need to find another job, girl." is beating out the song in my heart to to do teaching. like, do I really wanna teach? my kids are already such a headache now when it comes to homework help and all, how could I fare with being a teacher as a job? and more than that, am I willing to just get sick over and over and over again for the rest of my life? I can't do it, man.
so now I'm here. and I know in my heart how much I love my kids, and how much I could love working with kids outside of the ones I deal with now. but teachers do not make bank, and the stars in my eyes about doing everything to my heart's content are burning out a bit. do we really have to love our jobs? can I just have a job that pays well and gives me the money needed to do all the things I love?
so now I'm glancing back at communications. it's such a nothing major that it's like... okay. so what now? but now I'm looking at governmentjobs dot com and seeing their requirements for their administrative assistant jobs (which are starting at 75k btw) and I'm seeing a lottttt of communications. and they're paying even more for HR, which is also communications. and if I do a double major type thing, or even just a minor of psychology and major of communications, I can get into that captivating little niche of IO psychology, which makes bank for the lowkey bullshit work they do.
but can I live doing bullshit work?
I had two food service jobs, and between them I worked sales at Verizon. all of those were bullshit jobs, but they were consumer-facing bullshit jobs. if I got one of those jobs, I'd have a bullshit job in a cubicle somewhere? and that may very well be worse. I'm a people person, after all. I love people, I love talking to people, I love seeing and watching people, I love observing people like they're little sims. which is why I was great at my three bullshit jobs. customers loved me because I gave great customer service. but that's way different from client relations. you can be any given character to a random walking into your store, but client relations? I have to keep up appearances with the same people consistently so we don't lose their business. I literally have had beef with every manager and at least 3 coworkers at every job I've ever had. that's why I stay in front-of-house.
so I'm reviewing my options. to get into teaching, I'd need to do an (expensive) master's program that I have no desire to pay for or go through. to continue with communications won't take much since I'm done with my associate's nearly. getting an administrative assistant job wouldn't be hard either if I can get get nepotism to play on my side. and with any office job, they want you to be proficient in Microsoft suite programs, which I can take classes for at my CC and they'll even give you a little certificate at the end. I'll transfer into a CSU a little later, once I clean up my college transcript and all, and go from there.
I've been conflicted about this for a month now. I revisitied my Dimensional assessments as to what career path suits my personality best and it's agreeing with me. 
like, maybe the school counselor thing is actually it for me. I know in my soul how much I love taking care of kids and being around kids, so I don't want to completely give that up. the California association of school counselors says I'd need to get into a masters program for school counseling to make that happen, which I couldddd do... like way later on in life.
and I could totally do the HR thing, I love mess and drama. it's just a lot.
I just feel like that meme that's like omg this ED twt shit get serious, I'm OUT but about being an adult. and omg this shit is actually soooo dead tf serious I can't do it. I thought me and adulthood would be besties but this relationship is roughhhh y'all omg but I will prevail and get through this in stride because that's what I do best.
but any advice is welcomed... I definitely need it 😭