timestamp 10.20
I havent been posting on here much recently but I enjoy making these timestamp posts because they function exactly as I want them to lol. so here's another one about how I'm feeling now.
fav things
- music: I've been listening to a lot of r&b half because I'm seeking it out and half because that's what Spotify continually recommends me. I've also been listening to more DJ sets on youtube, including Zac Fox, per usual. his sets get better and better after each one!
- TV shows: caught up on Selling Sunset and watched all of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I'm developing a reality TV problem, somebody help.
- movies: I don't like movies and I don't watch movies so I have nothing to offer here, though I am planning on watching My Old Ass soon.
- other media: Upstairs Neighbors. honestly it's the biggest thing in my life rn.
- purchases: not a new purchase actually a quite old purchase now but I'm using my New 3DS again! I'm saying again as if I ever used it much in the first place lol I bought it with my middle school promotion money @ the Nintendo store in NYC and hardly touched it afterward despite how badly I wanted it. I'll post something else about it later.
- interests: playing Style Savvy Trendsetters :]
- outings: going shopping with oomfs and going to a housewarming yesterday.
I'm really just chilling. I'm no thoughts head empty maxxing from being off of social media and it leaves so much space in my brain. and with this space, I've been watching YouTube video essays nonstop because I apparently can't stand a moment without somebody speaking in my ear. that and reality TV, as mentioned above. it kinda makes me sick to think about lol. would gain much more from being a reader, but I guess I either haven't recouped my attention span from being social media addicted or I have transformed into my true Gen Z form, an iPad baby. either way, I'm looking for something to fill my time.
I haven't been thinking a whole lot recently, I've become quite resolved about reversing my career path to make use of my communications degree, even if I end up with a job I find little to no meaning in. what does it matter to find fulfillment in a job?
I think I cared so much about the issue before because it was a major roadblock in how I saw my future back when I couldn't find meaning in anything else in my life. I feel that now that I've had my taste of freedom and have gotten to do many of the things I've wanted to do in my younger years, I found that the fulfillment I sought can be found outside of my profession and employment. I'd say that the most fulfilling jobs are the ones with the worst pay, and though they are noble and valuable, I'm not dying to live with the salary they provide just so I can feel fulfilled leaving my job. I feel fulfilled doing other things, and if I have a job that pays me enough to do those other things much more regularly, I can feel fulfilled much more often.
that being said, my job is wearing on me. I love my kids, they are delightful little angels who I adore with my entire heart and I wish I could keep with me forever, but I am tired of the emotional labor it takes to watch and teach all of them every day of the week. and I love them. I'm now trying to focus on enjoying all the moments I have left with them because I am quitting this job as soon as I can! I need money! badly!
now onto the the true elephant in the room...
school.
I'm sick of ceramics and I wish I had dropped the class! stresses me out badly because of the massive workload and I'm just tired of it. I signed up for the class because I liked my classmates from the introductory class but I'm not even feeling them that much anymore. it is literally killing all of my love for school. I'm tired.
but I'm gonna finish it out. I'm actually still able to drop it right now (and end up with a W on my transcript) but I actually have spent so much on clay and materials and my time in itself that it wouldn't make sense to drop it now. so I will struggle and move along.
I actually love my Earth Science class. we just had our second Exam and I'm hoping I got an A on it because it was material I learned in my HS geology class and had a pretty good recollection of. but I also studied a whole ton for it so I hope those two factors work in tandem to give me a great score :)
but yes, that's where I'm at. and I'm studying the bible. it's adding a lot to my life and I'm grateful for it. that's it. bye!