timestamp 05.06
summer is coming, thank god for that, because I've been very over this spring and winter. as with every summer, I'm looking forward to watching Love Island UK every day at 2PM when I can sneak away from my job to take a lunch break or binge at home hours later. it's a mundane life at times, but I'm grateful for it regardless. anyway, here are the goals:
2024 summer bucket list
- stay at a beach house
- be away from home for at least 2 days straight
- go out dancing
- get drinks at least twice
- have a bonfire on the beach
- go to a concert
returning from having my head in the clouds of the future, here's the here and now. I am not enjoying school, I am totally burnt out from busting my ass last year, and nothing is fun right now. obviously life does not revolve around having fun all the time and constantly feeling good, but I am in fact bipolar and the bipolar manic-depression is definitely hitting right now! my therapist told me a few weeks ago to write a list of all the things I'd like to do at some point, or at least things to just look forward to whether they be near or far. I've not worked on it so maybe one of these posts will be a liveblogged brainstorming session.
current faves
music: really into playing perfect (exceeder) by mason on spotify and then letting it shuffle recommendations for me, producing a pretty good edm mix
shows: was watching Girlfriends for about a week or two and am currently in the fourth season. watching some other shows but they're not faves at the moment.
movies: OBVIOUSLY. CHALLENGERS. I've literally become a walking Challengers updates account to everyone in my life. I have a million thoughts, so maybe I'll make a post about it later. in any case, I'm planning to see it 5 more times.
purchases: my Tivoli Audio model one speaker is my baby right now. got a non-bluetooth model for about $50 off eBay and she is good. as. new. and she sounds so perf hooked up to my audio technica turntable <3
things: my ceramics class which is coming to an end in... (checks watch) one day! it was very fun and I'm grateful that I did it and didn't give up on it despite sucking at it for like 3 months. I made a lot of cool relationships in that class and I feel like it reinforced my self-efficacy in community building and generally being kind and welcoming to others. shoutout sasha, alondra, kathy, jay, and emilia. nathan's alright I guess.
wishlist
- sterling silver/white gold bracelets. really want to get into accessories and trulyyyyy desire to have a daily stack on my wrist
- kinfield golden hour. I'm a consumer through and through and the ig ads have been calling to me... perfect for the hot summer and the mosquito swarms coming our way in the IE
- thick, big silver hoops. have a million thin ones and I'm bored of them now.
- orebella blooming fire. not nearly enough oil-based perfumes on the market and the alleged white floral, woody, spicy, citrus scent is very enticing for the summer.
- brevite backpack. in the pine green color of course... as a devout shoulder bag user I have refused to cave on buying a backpack because they are 1) not cute 2) can ruin an outfit and 3) are typically very big. the thinner profile and many space-maximizing features intrigue me sooooo... here we are!
it's now five months into the year and there are many things I've dropped and picked up in this time. I miss doing zumba, so I'll do that again. I also miss generally being active, so I need to go back to doing my daily stretches and workouts every morning and evening. I need to make use of my kindle and the subscription I bought !!! so I'll get around to that as soon as I have the attention span to read something that's not on AO3. no shame in my game.
The time will pass anyway.
this is a quote that I've been carrying with me recently. I've been burnt out from school and slacking in my classes to the point where I'm not transferring this year as originally planned and possibly not even next year, which was the new plan. my therapist tells me that it doesn't matter the pace you're going at, and my higher self knows this, but my less enlightened, immature, and anxious self hates being out of pace with my peers. I'm 21 years old and just finished my first year of college. I'll be getting my associate's at the age of 22, complete my teaching program at the age of 25, and finally have my teaching credential at the age of 26 (if I'm fast) or 27 (if I'm reasonable). of course, I'm seeing the arbitrary rules and time constraints within this plan, like "when will I move out?" or "what about traveling?" and the scariest thought of "what if I don't even want this anymore?" and to that, my higher and true self says:
You'll deal with it.
and I will. working with my kids I feel like I'm also parenting myself at times. some of the things I often say to them are "it's not the end of the world", "you'll be okay", "you'll survive", and "what does it matter?" and really, what does it matter? The time will pass anyway. You'll survive. goodnight.
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