i love my kids
I work in an after-school program. it's my fourth job after two food service and one sales job, and it's the job I've stayed with for the longest time (I've never stayed at a job for more than 8 months before). clearly something about this job stuck with me enough for me to not end up quitting.
and it was the kids. oh, my dear, lovely, evil, snot-nosed, bratty, rambunctious, sweetheart, angel babies. my kids. I love them so much, it's not even funny.
when I got this job, I had never worked with kids before. I'm an only child; my cousin's kids are the only kids in my family, and they live two hours away from us. I didn't even know how to hold a baby (and I still don't!). so the whole experience was verrryyyyy brand new. I applied expecting/hoping to be placed in a middle school, given I was newly 20 years old at the time. I'd never been stuck with little kids before, and I thought I'd be good with older kids since I could relate to them a bit more (I'd technically be in the same generation as some of them).
but, I got placed in an elementary school. not shocking, most of the schools in the school district were elementary schools. but imagine my shock when I get to site and I was thrust with a group of 30 kinder, first, second, and third graders with nothing but a "good luck!" they were loud and kinda crazy, but you could tell from a mile away just how sweet they are. so I put on a smile and did my best.
my most repeated phrase for the first school year I was here was "Practice patience." I said it so much that when the kids would get on each other's nerves, they'd tell each other to "practice patience."
my second school year was tough. we went through the most unpredictable thing you could guess: our school was being cut in half, and suddenly we had to share the campus with a charter school. we lost what is probably the most important thing you can have in an after-school program: our three classrooms. having to cram 70-something kids in one cafeteria all day and try to manage them when they're all together like that? hell on earth. and my coworkers were quitting left and right. they were right to do so; we don't get paid damn near enough for the stress we're put under.
but I couldn't go. one of my girls (my favorite) would ask me, "Miss Kristin, are you gonna be here when I'm in second grade?" and I'd say "Well... we'll have to see about that, but I hope so." and she'd say yay! with her little buckteeth, and hug my legs, saying "I would miss you if you're gone."
what kind of fucking monster would I be to fucking leave that? are you crazy????? like now I HAVE to be locked in. I swear they play mind games on me to stay at this job.
so I stayed. and when she was in second grade, she'd ask the same thing. "Miss Kristin, are you gonna be here when I'm in third grade?" like she's renewing my contract. and I'd, of course, say "We'll have to see, but I might." and she'd do her yay thing again, and bring me over a picture she drew of Keroppi (my favorite Sanrio character) with an "I love you" written on top in her best attempt at penmanship.
so how can I say no? HOW CAN I SAY NO!!!!
and the crazy thing is (not crazy), is that they're all like that. even my boys who find a new way to bother me every day, they're just as sweet in their own little-boy-masculinity ways. it shocks me because I'm the strict one of all of my coworkers, and I have been since the day I started. but they stick to me like glue.
it's funny, this past winter they got me so sick that I was out for two weeks, and I came back as my usual strict self. there was a sub they sent to my school while I was away (who later became one of our permanent staff), and she told me, after all the kids had gone home, that whenever I sat down somewhere, the kids would get up to come be with me, one by one, until all of them were at whatever table I was. which cracked me up because I literally would sit to check my phone and all of them would be in my business, even the older ones!
kids are funny. they're the funniest people you will ever meet in your life. and they crack me up so bad because they spend so much time with me that they start acting like me.
just today, I was standing over one of my first graders (who I've had since kindergarten) to see what she was writing in her journal. she looks up at me and says, "What? Actually, don't ask me nothing π«Έπ»" and I had to hold myself back from literally crying laughing because I say that shit all of the time bro πππππππππππ WITH THE HAND!!!
and it's like, how can I leave? how can I leave them? I love them. I raised a lot of them! you wouldn't believe the literal heartbreak and near tears I shed seeing my former first-and-second graders now be in third grade and no longer in my group. I was literally screaming crying throwing up about it. and their new group leader would say things like, "yeah, I tried to see if they would play a game but they just wanted to sit and draw." LIKE YEAH. I MADE THEM THAT WAY!!!!!! πππππππππππππππππππππππ
I was sick to my stomach man. much worse, I had a brand new group of kindergarteners to deal with. having 12 kindergarteners who cannot sit down, listen, read, or write all to yourself to take care of is a different kind of headache, truly. that nearly made me quit. not to mention the 16 first and second-graders I had!
but that's my value to my job. I'm able to adjust them to a manageable temperament so that they're not a headache for my coworkers when they age out of my group. but god, do I hate to see them go.
but my kids love me, as much as I can't stand them sometimes. they love me when I lack patience, when I'm overwhelmed, when I'm strict, and when I'm sweet. we pranked them a few weeks ago by saying all the group leaders were switching groups because their kids weren't listening and my kids cried.
so I love them. I love them and they love me. even when I'm so far from being my best, they love me like I am. I can only hope to carry the love they give with me and share it as freely as they do.
to my kids, who will never ever ever everrrrr ever see this, I love you, my babies. you're the greatest kids I know and the best kids in the world.